How to Gain Confidence: A Step-by-Step Guide for Overcoming Self-Doubt
Introduction
Confidence is the foundation for achieving your biggest goals and dreams in life. Whether it's pursuing a new career, starting a business, finding love, or any other aspiration, self-confidence allows you to go after what you want without holding yourself back. Yet for many people, self-doubt and insecurity are constant companions that undermine their efforts and prevent them from reaching their full potential.
If you frequently experience thoughts like "I'm not good enough," "I'll never be able to do that," or "What if I fail?", this lack of confidence is keeping you stuck and small. The good news is that confidence is a skill that can be learned and developed through intentional practices. In this comprehensive guide, you'll gain valuable tips about common confidence issues and learn practical and actionable steps to start building unshakable self-confidence from the inside out.
Common Confidence Issues
Firstly, it's helpful to understand where confidence issues stem from. Here are some of the most common sources of self-doubt:
Past Failures or Rejections
We all have experiences of things not going our way, whether it was a job rejection, the end of a relationship, impact from your environment or an embarrassing moment. When we don't process these events in a healthy way, the pain can turn into self-doubt and fear of failure.
Comparing Yourself to Others
In our social media-saturated world, it's easy to compare your own life against others' curated highlight reels and feel at a disadvantage. Constant comparison is a fast track to low self-worth, and it is also worth reminding yourself that you’re viewing someone’s best bits - not their entire life.
Critical Inner Voice
That nagging voice of criticism in your head that tells you you're not good enough or smart enough is the enemy of confidence. This harsh self-talk is often rooted in negative childhood experiences and who was around you at the time.
Perfectionism
While healthy standards are good, perfectionism is an obsession with being perfect that sets you up for constant self-judgement and dissatisfaction when you inevitably fall short of those unrealistic expectations. It is good to have high expectations but with a healthy reminder that you are human after all.
Fear of Failure or Judgement
The desire to avoid failure or embarrassment at all costs prevents you from taking the risks required to go after what you really want in life. Nothing is achieved without some measure of risk involved. If life was supposed to be risk free, we would not be constantly evolving and learning.
Practical Tips and Exercises
Boosting your confidence is an inside job. No amount of success, achievement or external validation can give you true self-confidence - that has to come from within. With that said, here are some highly effective exercises and practices to silence your inner critic and build your confidence from the ground up:
Identify Your Competencies
We all have innate strengths, talents and abilities that make us awesome in our own ways. Make a list of what you're good at and allow yourself to experience pride in your positive qualities without dismissing them. Refer back to this list whenever you're feeling down on yourself to remind you of how amazing you are!
Affirmations
Despite sounding cheesy, affirmations work because they program your mind for confidence. Try stating affirmations like "I am enough just as I am" or "I have valuable skills and talents" while looking yourself in the eye in a mirror each morning. This might seem silly at the beginning but it is all about consistently giving yourself that love and admiration that you deserve!
Visualisations
World-class athletes use visualisation techniques to boost their confidence by imagining themselves experiencing success. You can apply this to any goal by vividly picturing what it would look and feel like to live as your most confident self in detail using all five senses.
Reframing Failure
Rather than beating yourself up over mistakes, reframe "failures" as opportunities to learn, grow and course-correct. Confident people are resilient because they don't allow temporary setbacks to becoming permanent self-doubts. Reviewing your past mistakes is good, as long as you are using them in a beneficial way and not tearing yourself down.
Power Poses
Research shows that holding your body in expansive "power poses" like standing tall with your hands on your hips or reaching for the sky actually increases testosterone (confidence) and decreases cortisol (stress) levels in your brain. Try it!
Compliment Yourself
Notice and appreciate the things you do well each day by actively complimenting yourself, even for small wins. This builds confidence through positive self-talk and self-acknowledgement through replacing the self-deprecating thoughts and words with kinder and more loving words.
Face Your Fears
Is there something you've been avoiding due to fear of failure or embarrassment? Whatever it is, do it! Consistently pushing through fears and expanding your comfort zone is one of the best confidence-building tools. Nothing changes within your bubble of comfort because our bodies are designed to try and maintain consistency and safety - always keep pushing!
Success Stories
To inspire you to believe in the possibility of transforming your confidence, here are a few real-life examples of people who overcame major self-doubt:
Lady Gaga - faced significant criticism and doubt early in her career due to her unconventional style and persona. Many didn't believe she could achieve mainstream success. She has since won numerous awards, including Grammys and an Academy Award, and is known for her powerful performances and advocacy work.
Oprah Winfrey - She endured a traumatic childhood and was fired from her first TV job for getting "too emotionally invested in her stories." Obviously, Winfrey went on to launch her own wildly successful talk show and multimedia empire by believing in herself.
Michael Jordan - After being cut from his high school basketball team for being too short, Jordan could have doubted his abilities. Instead, it fuelled his famous determination and killer confidence.
Conclusion
Confidence is a choice. No matter how deeply rooted your self-doubt is from past experiences or negative mental programming, YOU have the power to replace those doubts with affirmative beliefs about your inherent worth and capabilities.
Transforming your mindset is not easy - it takes diligent practice and a commitment to addressing your fears and insecurities head on. Self-reflection will be the hardest but most rewarding and freeing activity that you will do. However, the effort is worthwhile because cultivating a contagious confidence allows you to create the life you want. Start implementing the exercises outlined here to lay the groundwork, and don't stop until you have the self-assurance to go after your biggest goals with unstoppable confidence.
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